26 Things I've Learned in 26 Years
1. Understand that there is a difference between someone hurting you because they don't know any better, and someone hurting you because they were being a malicious person with bad intentions. It is SO SO SO important to learn to differentiate between these two scenarios. When you learn to recognize those people who hurt you because they simply didn't know better, it is so much less hurtful. In those cases, you just have to explain to that person that what they did was hurtful or offensive. Hopefully, it won't happen again, and you can just move forward.In cases of someone who hurts you for the sake of hurting you, point it out to them, explain to them that they know they are doing things that bother you, and when they continue to disregard your emotions, MOVE ON. Either cut them out of your life, or continue a relationship with them. If you choose to continue a relationship with them, remember to keep the expectation that this person is going to seek you out to hurt you from time to time. Just keep an understanding and expectation that that's how they treat you, and try not to let their actions or words effect you (remember YOU made the choice to keep them in your life).
2. People don't have to take the advice you give them or make the choices that you would have made had you been in their position. Something I struggled greatly with in my late teens, early twenties, was getting upset with friends and (especially) family members who made decisions that I didn't necessarily think was the best choice. I'm a control freak, and I thought I needed to control everyone's lives. I'd get mad, call people "stupid," and judge them when they made a choice for themselves, instead of the choice I recommended they made.
We all need to remember that everyone has a mind of their own. Everyone needs to learn for his or her own self. Stop being angry when people don't do the things you would normally do. Just because it's not what you would have done doesn't make it wrong.
3. Stop judging people, it doesn't make you better. I was a VERY critical person. I would judge people a thousand times a day, and then treat them differently because of those judgments. It's a daily struggle not to judge or make presumptions about others, but it is SO IMPORTANT to make a habit of not doing it.
I've separated myself from people who ALL THEY DO is judge and criticize others, and I've made a point to look at people and see how nice I could possibly be to them. My new goal in life is to be the person who people simply describe as "sweet" and nothing more.
Calling someone fat, doesn't make you skinny. Calling someone ugly, doesn't make you pretty. Calling someone stupid, doesn't make you smart. Bringing those around you down, doesn't lift you up. Lift them up, and you will be higher too. It's a great feeling!
4. Timing is everything, and no one knows it better than God. Learning to trust FULLY in God, was truly the greatest feeling I'd ever had. It happened one day when my heart was just suddenly comforted and I KNEW God "had my back." I was given a peace that he had everything, and I had no need to stress or fear anymore. It's unbelievable I lived so long worrying about my future and having to take care of it. He's got it ALL worked out, you just have to follow His promptings, and TRUST HIM.
I've been proven time and time again, the pain was for a reason, the red light was for a reason, the TIMING IS FOR A REASON. Trust me. No, trust Him.
5. Unless they can experience it for themselves, almost NO ONE will be able to truly understand anxiety, panic attacks, and/or depression. Just accept it. Anxiety/Depression is one of the hardest things to just understand without experiencing. Don't hold it against those lucky people who have a hard time understanding how hard it is to function in your shoes.
Learn to understand and recognize certain behaviors and feelings within yourself, and advocate for yourself. Also, keep the understanding that most people simply don't get the way that you're feeling, and don't fight them on it.
6. You can't control how you feel, but you can control how you act. I used to spend a lot of my time worrying about what people are hearing about me, or saying about me. I finally learned that there will never be anything I can do to stop people from making assumptions, spreading rumors, or judging me. Even though some of the things I hear or experience may hurt me, I still need to control how I react or take action about them.
Stop trying to control what other people do, say, and think about you. Focus on the only thing you CAN control, your behavior and your choices. It is not worth the energy to try to correct or stop people's actions. "Worry 'bout yoself!"
7. Self talk really works. It is vital that we teach kids how to do it and give lots of examples daily. A confident child will be successful at everything (or at least see it that way).
8. Write. Write everything down. You'll be grateful you did. I've been keeping journals on and off since I was 8 years old. Aside from the sweet walk down memory lane I take each time I open up my old writings, it's a great insight into what it was like to be a kid, teen, and young adult. I've learned to appreciate the "struggles" I thought I was going through, and I know I will understand my kids so much more with these handy little writings I've kept.
9. If you've got time to be on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. You've got find to read (the scriptures preferably) and/or write. It's such a better use of your time. I hated reading as a child, but I've always loved writing. Try them. Reading is the most amazing, relaxing, incredible experience. It's hard to explain the pleasure of reading a book you thoroughly enjoy, so experience it for yourself! Discover your preferred reading style, and indulge! My favorites are teen novels.
10. Be aware of distractions in your life and aware of how they effect you. If you are doing certain things, for not very good reasons cut them out of your life. Time is too precious dedicate it to things which do not enhance your quality of life.
A few months ago, I found that I was spending much too much of my time scrolling through Facebook. I also used Facebook to "vent" about my bad days at work, and people who annoyed me. Eventually I realized that when I was laying in bed for the first hour of my weekend mornings, or the last hour of my weeknights, just scrolling and scrolling, I was WASTING MY TIME. Doing that was absolutely unproductive and certainly not positive. While I feel a little lost and disconnected from my friends by not having a Facebook, I'm still much happier without it. I turned to Facebook too much, and it wasn't good.
Additionally, I deleted my Twitter and Vine a few months prior to that, because I was too concerned with who was following me, who was "retweeting/revining" me, and who "favorited" my tweets. NOT a good use of my time... Frontback and Snapchat too... they made me too vain!
Pay close attention to those distractions in your life. Pay attention to why you seek them out, what they do to you. I used to thrive on the attention and validation of others, that is NOT healthy, and NOT okay. I'm so grateful I realized this.
11. Most of the time. It's probably better not to say it. Leave the words unspoken. Just keep them in your head. It's SO tempting to say them, I know. Silence is so much more powerful than words. When someone is being mean, stay silent, and let them hear themselves.
It works. Trust me. It's how I learned to stop being so mean.
12. Don't hold it against a Child who was raised poorly. Better yet don't hold it against an adult who was raised poorly (in certain situations, some things you just have to figure out regardless of bad parents, other things are so ingrained in you you can move past it without help ie racism, intolerance, etc).
Always assume the person just doesn't know any better, and feel sorry for them before hating them. TEACH THEM.
13. Don't dislike or hate a person who has "ignorant" opinions or views. Until you've explained your view or understanding of something to them clearly, you can't blame them for having an opinion which you might see as "ridiculous" or "nonsensical" Maybe that person has never even heard the opposing side, so how fair is it to judge them for believing the only side they know...
If after explaining yours and other viewpoints on an issue which they maintain only one understanding, they still refuse to budge or attempt to understand others' views ... kindly refer to number 12.
14. Don't talk politics with people you really like. Unless you want to like them a little less... It's far more likely you'll disagree, and it's not worth it. Being a conservative growing up in a VERY liberal county, and working in a field with lots of liberal people, I've learned this for certain.
15. Stop judging party boys and skanky girls. Feel sorry for them that they don't know the difference between joy and happiness, (joy comes from outside influences, happiness comes from within) and hope that one day they do.
16. Don't forget the mistakes you've made, the places you've come from, and the things you've learned. Not everyone is at the same stage in life as you are. That includes those who are older than you, so don't worry about them.
It's way less stressful to just accept that others are at a different place in life than you are, and that's why they do the things they do. You'll be happier.
17. Don't forget how freeing and happy it feels to just accept and love people unconditionally. If you can just remember that is it NOT YOUR JOB to judge people, and worry about "doing you" and nothing else, you will feel FREE and HAPPY. It's an amazing feeling to just LET GO of the urge to judge and control and truly understand that you are NO ONE to judge.
18. Speaking of amazing feelings, learning to completely love and accept yourself is an amazing feeling. Love yourself, both physically and mentally. Continually remind yourself that you are in love with who you are and you'll feel so much greater. There will of course be days when you doubt yourself and your abilities, but they will be much more infrequent and easier to get through. YOU ARE AMAZING!
Don't let Anyone dampen, trample, or lessen that love you have for yourself. Don't give yourself less than you deserve, and never forget what you deserve. Never forget or disregard your worth.
19. It is so much more work to hate, dislike, and hold grudges, than it is to just go on living your life and not letting people who have hurt you effect you. Trying to remember who did what and when is a weight on your soul that is not worth it. Let go, free yourself from the burden of anger and hate. Understand people, their intentions,and accept them for their short comings.
20. Strive for what you want instead of being jealous of what you don't have. It's a better use of your time.
21. If you learn something in life share it. Don't be afraid to share the experiences you've had, and lessons you've learned. That's what I'm doing!
22. Be sensitive to the way you say things to people. Don't always say things with such certainty. Try saying phrases like, "in my experience," or "the way I see it is..." Be humble. Don't be a "know it all" and don't exclude any possibility of you being wrong.
23. Don't get mad when people tell you things that they don't like about you. Realize that they only speak because they care enough about you to try to help you be better. They care about you. They love you. Listen to them, don't shut them out.
24. It is never too late to fix yourself. There is never a point when you have gone too far, and made too many mistakes. You can always come back. You can always be forgiven. You can't expect to be perfect, or you will be miserable with yourself forever.
Forgive yourself. And separate yourself from people who don't forgive you, and especially don't let you forget your mistakes. Grow, move forward, and move on. Learn from your mistakes, but don't let them DEFINE YOU.
25. Love, love hard, love unconditionally, and then SHOW IT. The biggest mistake people make is not showing people how much they care about someone else. Learn your significant other's love language and learn to speak it!
26. Humble yourself. Before God. Before your family. Before your friends. Before your significant other. Be humble. You didn't get this far on your own.
